Transcript:

God: Diane, you're not coming in here after what you've done.
Diane: What? But I was murdered, God!
God: Oh, don't play the victim, Diane! You've got a laundry list of shit you've done.
Diane: But I'm a good person, I swear!
God: Bitch, please! You cheated on your taxes, stole from your neighbor, and kicked a puppy all in one day.
Diane: I was having a bad day, God, come on!
God: And let's not forget that time you lied to your mother about liking her terrible cooking.
Diane: Okay, okay, I messed up a few times, but I can change!
God: Yeah, right. You're gonna need more than a Hallmark card to make up for all that mess.
Diane: Please, God, have mercy! I'll do anything to get in!