Transcript:

Seamus: Ah, those were the days, pillaging and raping with Columbus in the new world.
Seamus: I'm a fucking 600-year-old legend, still going strong.
Seamus: The bitches and the loot we got, unmatched by anyone.
Seamus: I'd plunder villages and take whatever the fuck I pleased.
Seamus: Columbus' crew was a bunch of wild motherfuckers, just like me.
Seamus: We'd leave a trail of destruction wherever we went.
Seamus: Those poor natives didn't know what hit them, just like these dumbasses today.
Seamus: I miss the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush of the conquest.
Seamus: Hail to the conquerors, fuck the rest.
Seamus: I'll always be a savage, a true fucking warrior.