Transcript:

Jesus: Hartman, you stand before the gates of Heaven, and I'm here to list your sins.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You committed adultery with Lois and Meg. That's a one-way ticket to hell, buddy.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You killed Quagmire's cat and blamed it on Brian. Shame on you, Hartman.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You sold Peter fake Viagra and laughed as his dick shriveled up. That's pure evil, man.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You tried to run over Stewie with your car. Who does that, Hartman?
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You scammed Cleveland out of his life savings. Unforgivable, Hartman.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You made a pass at Brian. Even I have to draw the line at that, Hartman.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You tampered with my holy wine and ruined the Last Supper. You're beyond redemption, Hartman.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You kicked my dad, Joseph, in the groin. Not cool, Hartman.
Hartman: I Dr.
Jesus: You tried to capitalize on the resurrection by starting a newsletter business. Have a nice trip, Hartman.