Transcript:

Tom: Good evening, Quahog! Tom Tucker here with breaking news.
Diane: And I'm Diane Simmons. Tonight's headline: Pewterschmidtland Food Scandal!
Tom: That's right, Diane. In a shocking revelation, Dr. Hartman has exposed the true nature of the food sold in Pewterschmidtland.
Diane: According to Dr. Hartman, the food barely meets the legal definition of food. It's mostly filler, plastics, and even artificial horse paste!
Tom: Unbelievable! We now go live to Carter Pewterschmidt for his response. Carter, what do you have to say about these allegations?
Carter: So what?!
Tom: Um... excuse me, Mr. Pewterschmidt. Did you just dismiss these serious allegations?
Carter: Look, Tucker, I don't give a rat's ass what Hartman says. People come to Pewterschmidtland for the experience, not the damn food!
Diane: But Mr. Pewterschmidt, shouldn't the food be safe and edible?
Carter: Safe and edible? This ain't no fancy restaurant, it's a damn theme park! If people want safe and edible, they can go eat a salad or some shit!
Tom: Well, there you have it, folks. Carter Pewterschmidt doesn't seem to be concerned about the quality of the food in his own theme park.
Diane: Indeed, Tom. It seems like profit and experience are more important to him than the well-being of his customers.
Tom: We reached out to Pewterschmidtland for a comment, but they declined. Back to you, Diane.
Diane: Thank you, Tom. In other news...